One Couple’s Experience Hiring Escorts: A Q&A with an ATF Couple of mine
If you’ve been here for even a bit, you’ll know that I love seeing couples; there’s something so special about being a part of that experience for lovebirds (and being bi, it’s truly a win-win for me😜) and I truly believe that seeing an escort is the best way for couples to begin the experience of having a third!
I even wrote a whole guide for couples on how to invite an escort into their bedroom Couples 101, as I know how intimidating this can all be and there’s so many special considerations for couples that individuals hiring companions don’t experience!
You can read it here: The Couples’ Guide to Hiring an Escort: FAQ and a Step-By-Step Guide to Booking Your First Threesome.
So when a favorite couple of mine (we’ve been seeing each other regularly since July 2024!) volunteered to do a Q&A with questions you sent in via my bluesky/twitter/reddit and newsletter, I was so excited! They’re breaking down their experience with me, others and what it’s truly like for a happy couple (who’ve been happily together 25+ years!) to grow even closer seeing a companion. All questions are answered by both husband and wife, but written up by him :)
Without further ado..
1. What initially sparked your interest in introducing an escort into your relationship?
For my birthday my wife decided she was going to get a sexy boudoir shoot done. She let me in on the ‘secret’ early and I was heavily involved in the setup, selection of outfits, etc. We selected from a dozen or so prospective outfits and narrowed it down to five for the final shoot. This process gave us time together to seek, shop, order and model all of these different looks for her that we were cultivating for the big day. This also built up the anticipation, sparked intimate discussions, and set a precedent of collaboration around sexy endeavors. The tension and excitement built up until the day. After the shoot she was very excited. Many new thoughts, fantasies and ideas fueled our sexy discussions after that.
We were in Las Vegas together and one night we were feeling naughty. In previous visits we had gone to a variety of burlesque themed shows. She had even taken a burlesque dance class on one occasion. This night we were looking for something more spicy. We decided to go to a higher end gentlemen's club. We ended up with two of the experienced ladies taking us back to the VIP room and eventually to whatever the next room beyond that is called. This was an entirely new experience for the wife and things got quite intimate in the room we were in. Both girls lavished attention on her. After over two hours of this we went back to our hotel room. We were so wound up that we had insanely hot sex for the rest of the night, collapsed from exhaustion and fired right back up in the morning when we woke.
That visit was a game changer, an awakening. My wife has always had an interest in feminine beauty. She finds the female form incredibly sexy. This experience redefined her desire. She was no longer wanting to simply be an observer, she wanted to be an active participant.
2. How did you choose the right escort for both of your needs and comfort levels?
We discussed together what our ideal partner would be. Age range, personality, physique, etc. We then went over proposed scenarios that may occur. It might be cool if we did this, or if we did that. This gave us a better picture of what we were looking for before we started the search. For example, this revealed that we wanted to find someone that explicitly had both couples experience and was inherently bisexual. We also together decided that we wanted someone more upscale and that we could foster a girlfriend experience fantasy around. We only looked at premium and verified options. We then went to their respective websites, read ALL the reviews and looked at their recent social media posts to get a sense of personality.
3. Are guidelines and boundaries important from the get go?
We found that clear and well articulated boundaries were critical. On our first encounter we set our boundaries up on the side of caution. We talked about any areas that might make either of us uncomfortable and deemed those ‘off limits’. We also had a clear sense of things we want to reserve for our relationship, that we keep just between us. We then talked with Elle about our mutual boundaries and everything after fell right into place.
Before each of our successive dates we re-evaluate the boundary conversation and make any adjustments that we are comfortable with. For example on our first encounter we asked that the companions interaction be 90% with the wife and 10% with the husband. We have adjusted that as our comfort levels revealed themselves to a 60/40 split.
We sort of stumbled into an exercise that helped inform our boundary conversation. While we were looking at various ads for companions we kept coming across acronyms on do’s and don't lists. Many of these we had no clue what they were. After searching and finding a glossary of 50 or so of these ‘codes’ we went down the list and asked ourselves - could she do that to you? Could he do that to her? Can she do that to him? This was actually surprisingly helpful in expanding our scope.
4. Were there any concerns or hesitations from either of you before the first encounter? How did you address them?
It was important that we said to each other that either one of us could pull that parachute at any time without any repercussions. Also we frequently check in on each other before and during a date. Are you okay? You good to do this? Having a commitment to each other that either one could put on the brakes was huge in the way of mitigating concerns. Also agreeing that if one party needed to do that that the other would accept it unconditionally and not fuss or push back.
This is scary, full of unknowns. Honesty and transparency about any concerns you have need to be shared beforehand. For us we addressed those with guidelines and clear boundaries. We also needed to be brutally honest if this wasn't for us or if we weren't ready.
Ultimately, we approached this as something we were doing together—for both of us, not for one over the other.
5. How has communication between you two changed or evolved since introducing Elle into your relationship?
We have a lot of vocal fantasies that we entertain during our intimate times. In between encounters we will often talk about what we did last time that was exciting to both of us. We also frequently discuss what we hope to do next time and that helps us both build the anticipation and heavily enriches our fantasy life. Elle is often with us in ‘spirit’ even when she's not with us in person.
We have refined the way we approach discussions around fantasy by organizing them into distinct categories:
Things we’re excited to explore in reality – Fantasies or ideas we actively want to pursue and experience together.
Things that are exciting to discuss but not to do – Scenarios we enjoy imagining or talking about but have no desire to bring into reality.
Things that excite us but are uncomfortable to discuss – Fantasies that spark interest or arousal but feel too personal, sensitive or outrageous to share openly.
Things that don’t excite us or feel too extreme – Scenarios that hold no appeal or go beyond our comfort zone.
These categories help us express desires in our intimate time fluidly while staying well defined as things we will in fact do or things that are not intended for reality. Over time occasionally ideas can shift categories without judgement.
6. In what ways has this experience affected your intimacy with each other?
We have chosen to keep this a secret that only we share. We don't share it with our girlfriends or brag about it to our guy friends. This is our thing and ours alone. That choice makes it special and more intimate.
Keeping this as a shared secret has made it uniquely ours, adding a sense of exclusivity to our relationship. It’s brought us closer, encouraging open dialogue about our desires and passions.
We now have thrilling, adventurous memories that are just for us, further strengthening our connection.
7. How do you navigate feelings of jealousy or insecurity that might arise?
Open, honest discussions before our first encounter helped us establish a solid foundation. Setting boundaries early on created a sense of security.
Take time to talk afterwards. Give each other permission to share both the positive and any potential negative feelings or experiences.
Surprisingly, as we explored more, things that we thought might provoke jealousy often turned out to be turn-ons. By slowly adjusting boundaries, we’ve discovered new layers of trust and excitement in our relationship.
8. What has been the most surprising or unexpected positive outcome of this decision?
It was a welcome surprise that this has been a relationship strengthening and bonding experience, well beyond the simple notion of a threesome. It also has revealed turn ons in both of us that may have seemed counterintuitive but have massively enriched both our date experiences and our personal time together. It’s gone far beyond the physical aspect, fostering trust, communication, and mutual understanding.
Working with a companion has been an ideal way to incorporate this type of adventure without bringing in additional drama or complications to our already complicated lives. We control the pace, set the boundaries, and craft the experience to fit us, which has been empowering and liberating. Ultimately we are in the drivers seat and that is so preferred over other alternatives.
9. What made you choose Elle and how did you find the process of arranging the first date? Was it nerve wracking or did you find it liberating?
We found the process to be very exciting but it also brought some nerves to the forefront. We were actually going to ‘do this’.
Elle checked all the boxes we identified in a companion as we discussed our criteria. We really wanted that girlfriend fantasy. We also wanted someone who had couples experience and that we both found attractive and exciting. We remember very clearly that hour after our first date saying to one another how much it exceeded our expectations. Both in how perfectly it played out and how comfortable we both were with Elle right from the start.
Elle's choice to work with Sam as her assistant makes everything run smoothly. She helps us get things set up, line up venues, and helped answer my ignorant first timer questions with patience and grace. It also has a nice side effect of keeping logistics in one lane and sexy in the other.
10. What would you say to other couples who are considering a similar exploration but might be hesitant or skeptical?
This isn’t a solution for a strained relationship or one-sided desires. Both partners need to approach it with mutual interest, trust, and readiness.For us it was important to clearly establish that bringing in a companion was something we only do together. We play as a couple. It does not give permission to seek out independent relationships.
If you’re hesitant, start with open and honest conversations about your desires, boundaries, and expectations. Take your time to ensure it’s something you both truly want and feel comfortable exploring together.
11. If you're able to have good chemistry with Elle, would you then seek another provider to do this with?Last year, we did try a different provider. While all the “mechanics” were in place, something was missing, specifically the personal vibe and human connection. Chemistry plays a crucial role in creating a great experience, and that was reinforced after our alternative encounter.
We were incredibly fortunate to find Elle. It’s truly a case of "you don’t know what you don’t know"—and now, we do. We’ve found a really great fit.
If your first experience with a provider doesn’t quite click, make sure to talk openly about where things fell short. When choosing your next one, be mindful of what both of you want and fine-tune your approach. Much like dating, there might be a bit of trial and error involved. Just remember to apply what you’ve learned to make future encounters even better.
12. What were the requirements that made Elle the ideal person you would both like to see?
First and foremost, she was incredibly sexy. We took the time to explore her website and social media, and everything we saw reflected a personality that felt like a perfect match for us. She exuded class without any hint of pretension. A natural beauty that felt real, not “enhanced.” One could sense she was witty and charming, and her interests felt personal and unique, not the typical “safe” or vanilla answers you often encounter. We never got the sense that she was simply telling us what we wanted to hear.
She spoke about couples and shared experiences with genuine warmth. It was obvious this wasn’t something she merely tolerated; it was a true passion of hers, a niche delight.
We were a little nervous about meeting her, but from the moment we met, she had an effortless way of making us feel at ease. Our jitters melted away, and we were soon enjoying a drink and genuinely connecting. All of our hopes and expectations were validated that very first evening. Since then, our connection has only deepened with each subsequent meeting.
13. Were there any expectations you were looking for going into this new experience?
In the beginning, we were curious and eager to explore her desire to experience another woman. At that point, we didn’t know the extent of her boundaries or whether she’d want to fully embrace the experience. The answers only became clear when the moment arrived. The goal was for her to have the opportunity to transform her fantasies into reality in an environment that was both thrilling and safe.
For him, it started with the simple expectation of witnessing Elle’s interaction, just between the two of them, providing sexy visuals and thoughts to enhance our regular intimacy. It was meant to add something fresh and real that we could take home to enrich our day-to-day sexual experiences.
What we discovered was far beyond what we anticipated. We both found immense pleasure in the growing connection and shared interactions among the three of us. Each new experience added layers of excitement and intimacy that have deepened our bond and brought us even closer together.
14. How would you handle a situation if one of you feels uncomfortable in the moment?
Clear communication beforehand is crucial, especially when discussing boundaries, be both specific and categorical. Stay within the limits you’ve both agreed upon to ensure everyone feels comfortable and respected.
It’s also a good idea to establish two safe words. The first one is for when the specific activity you're currently engaged in becomes too much, and you'd like to shift to something more comfortable. This allows you to maintain the flow and mood while making the necessary adjustments to prioritize your partner’s comfort.
The second safe word is for when the entire scenario feels uncomfortable, and it's time to stop. Agree ahead of time that if either partner feels the need to stop, there will be no repercussions or negative emotions. Always remember: your relationship is more valuable than any fleeting moment of excitement.
15. How will you as a couple address feelings of jealousy and insecurity?
We can’t stress enough the vital importance of communication. Start by discussing the idea of introducing a third person as part of your fantasy conversations. Let the discussion flow and expand naturally. If you find yourself feeling pangs of jealousy, even in the abstract, it’s a clear sign to pause and seriously reconsider taking the idea into reality.
On the other hand, if both of you find the notion exciting and arousing, begin exploring your comfort levels. What boundaries would need to be established? What would feel safe and enjoyable for both partners? You might decide to start slow, perhaps with one partner simply watching as the magic unfolds.
Making strong commitments to each other, even on small things, can make a huge difference. For us, one of our core commitments is that we will only play as a couple. If we’re not both involved, it’s off-limits. This principle extends even to how we communicate. For example, when we plan, book, or chat with Elle, we always use a group chat format. Everyone is included, and everything is shared with full transparency. We approach this as a united front, ensuring trust and alignment in every aspect.
She recalls a particularly pivotal moment during one of the first experiences. After stepping away to the restroom, she returned to find him and Elle dancing and kissing. Initially, this sparked a flood of emotions. Instead of overreacting, she paused, did a quick gut check, and allowed herself to fully process what she was feeling. To her surprise, she realized that the moment excited her. Leaning into those emotions, rather than pulling away, opened the door to deeper connection and intimacy for all three of us.
16. What do you enjoy most about seeing your partner with Elle? Is it just interesting, intriguing, or a massive turn on?
Approach this with the intention of creating the highest and most fulfilling experience for your partner. In turn, your partner should share the same perspective, prioritizing your experience as much as their own. With this mindset, as we’ve navigated and adjusted our boundaries, we’ve discovered the incredible power of vicarious pleasure. For both of us, it’s not just exhilarating, it's deeply arousing and profoundly intimate.
For me personally, watching the two of them together is utterly spellbinding. It’s a beauty that’s almost impossible to put into words - a moment that feels like living art. It’s as if Le Sommeil by Courbet has come to life before your eyes, radiating passion, connection, and sensuality in its purest form.
17. Did you introduce Elle into your relationship to spice things up, or do you both have a genuine interest in incorporating a female provider?
We had genuine interest in incorporating a female into our dynamic. It was borne out of a hot encounter at a gentlemen's club and those sparks became licking flames quickly. We also strongly believed it would spice things up. Both in the moment and when reflected upon later.
18. Would you consider making a relationship like this more of a permanent thing if you find the right person in real life (not a provider)? A throuple?
This is such a fascinating question, and the answer is likely very specific to our situation. For us, the short answer is yes. That said, we have discussed this quite a bit over the past year.. We are coming from a long standing (25+ year) fully monogamous relationship. From the beginning of this journey, our intention has been clear: to enhance what we already have, not disrupt it.
Our relationship is built on a solid foundation of love, trust, and friendship, with an incredible sex life that stands strong on its own, independent of anything we explore with a companion.
There are many variations of what a “throuple” relationship can look like. The dynamic that appeals to us most is one where we, as a couple, enter into a deep, romantic, “dating-style” relationship with a third person. We don’t envision a fully integrated scenario, such as living together full-time, as our relationship has a natural inertia that we feel would make such a shift too disruptive.
However, the idea of building a meaningful, romantic connection with a third person, one where we can allow genuine feelings to develop, feels incredibly attractive to both of us.
18. Have either of you considered introducing a male provider as a third person instead of a female? If so, why? If not, why not?
Human passion and desire are very subjective and unique. As a couple you want to talk about what ingredients complete your recipe. Other couples may find that the ideal mix is to bring a male lover into their experience. For us we have an extremely sapphic palate. Early conversations, well before we engaged a companion, established that this was the picture we both wanted. We would suggest getting these long arc questions out in the open early and make sure both are informed on where you want to go together. Adventuring as a couple does not mean that you have flipped a switch and now everything and anything is on the table. Stay true to your core passion drivers. What aspect is central to our growth as a couple? What will ultimately bring us closer together?